Marvel Civil War vs. The Punisher (1989)

Today I nerded out in comic world. One of these two delivered, the other did not...

Marvel Civil War
Everyone has been talking like this was the best thing to happen to comics in the past 10 years. I was skeptical because I still think Marvel is fairly whack. I checked out all 7 issues in the mini-series today and it totally didn't live up to the hype. It's just like a bad version of what would have led up to the Watchmen. Basically if you haven't heard by now. Superheroes all have to register with the US government. Some go for it, some don't, chaos ensues. Captain America leading the revolution defiantly threw me for a loop, but it was still fairly uninteresting and all the Marvel heroes were as boring as expected. This is totally the the time when Marvel's few interesting characters like Wolverine or Deadpool would have worked, but they stick with such lame characters like Ant-Man and Hercules (and even Wonder Man?!). The only thing that really kept my interest at all during this was The Punisher's sweet and brief involvement. Please DC just trade Marvel Superman for The Punisher and make it so I have no reason to ever again consider reading a Marvel comic. Which leads me to my next item on the list...

The Punisher (1989)
The movie not the comic. And not the new one with John Travolta, the sweet one from the 80's with Dolph Lundgren. We went to the flea market and I picked a copy up on DVD for $5. Total steal. I forgot how much I used to love this movie as a kid. Probably the first action movie I really got into and watched repeatedly. Sure it's cheesy, but Dolph is at least believable as The Punisher even with the worst fake five o'clock shadow of all time. I think this movie also wins for the most usages of a boot knife in history. It makes it seem like people are getting killed with these things in a regular basis in real life. Which I have to admit would make real life a little more interesting. The only problem I have with this movie is the fact that he never actually sports the skull shirt, but I would rather have no skull shirt than the dumb version in the new movie. Punisher 2: More Louis Gossett Jr. and less apartment full of dorks. It's all I ask, such a simple request.

If you feel like some comic related entertainment in the next few days I recommend going with the classic Punisher movie over Marvel's lame Civil War series. Same quality storyline, less of a headache from having to see She Hulk (or even worse Hulkling) in more than one scene.

Top 10 reasons I think my roomate Jessica had sexual reassignment surgery:

drum roll please...

1. She moshes.
   
2. She has a Cold As Life tattoo ("born to land hard").
3. She knows the all the words to Culture Club - "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?".
4. She wears wifebeaters and sweatpants.
5. She enjoys Angel Crew and Mushmouth.
6. She likes old english lettering on tattoos.
7. She has a pit bull (and a tattoo of it).
   
8. She is attracted to gay men.
9. She has a video of herself catching an alligator.
10. She just took the following picture...
    

uuuhhhhhhhhhh... Jessinazi?

edit: I thought of a couple more reasons I suspect she used to be a man: a) worlds firmest handshake and b) she beat up a middle aged woman in front of her son at an Exodus show.

highlight of my day: a train hitting a house!

Today I saw one of the top 10 sweetest things I've ever seen in my life. I was driving home from the bank and saw a bunch of mangled metal on the side of the road next to the train tracks. When I got a few feet further up I saw a couple semi axles and a stopped train. At this point I was thinking either a semi got in an accident and the train had to stop or that a train hit the semi (which was obviously the far sweeter option). As soon I got around the corner I was defiantly not prepared for how intense it really was gonna be. A house was sitting in the middle of the train tracks with a train halfway through it.


I called my friend Charlie that works at the News Journal right away because when I passed it there was just one cop there and the first news van had just pulled up. He came down to my house and we went to scope out what happened. By the time we got back down the train had moved (bummer) but the house was still there. Basically a semi that was transporting a mobile home got stuck on the tracks and a train plowed right through it. One in a million chances, right?

We were hanging around while Charlie took pics and a second train came by so I got some crappy camera phone pics and videos of that. Hopefully Charlie sends his pics to me soon. Highlight of life. I'd never seen a train accident before and never expected to see a train hit a house obviously. I'm not sure if this means I've seen a trainwreck now or if that implies two trains. Either way it brightened my day.


Here's the most boring possible news story about a train hitting a house and a video:

Train Slices Through Mobile Home

A mobile home was sliced in half Monday afternoon when a tractor-trailer hauling it in Volusia County, Fla., became stuck on some railroad tracks, according to Local 6 News. Police said the mobile home became stuck near Turnbull Bay Road in New Smyrna Beach when the big rig broke down. The train came around a curve and slammed into it. Workers were able to unhook the rig from the trailer just before the Florida East Coast slammed into the home. The trained stopped about a half mile down the tracks after hitting the structure. There were no injuries in connection with the crash. Watch Local 6 News for more on this developing story.

living a life as the most hateful person on the face of the earth

"...they'll be writing songs of love, but not for me."

"that's right you fuckin' slobs"

I got the Slouchback demo in the mail yesterday and I'm feeling it. Don't really know anything about these dudes other than the fact they're from Maine and were sending out free demos. The cover got me worried because I thought it looked a little cheesy, but the demo defiantly impressed. First off great sound quality and the dudes actually play pretty tight. I'm so sick of demos that sound like they were recorded in a tin can by 5 year olds.

Musically these guy play 5 songs of total Clevo influenced hardcore. If you're into Ringworm and Integrity you'll probably dig it. Heavy riffs, double bass, some solos and fast thrashy parts. The songs actually seem like they took time putting them together and none of them are too long (all the songs are around 2 minutes). And it all comes off without sounding too wignorant (dear Ruiner, thank you for that term). My only complaint was the vocals took a couple songs to grow on me. Kind of high pitched and not what I'd expect for the style of music, but by the 3rd song I was used to them.

Overall this is probably my favorite demo I've heard since the Sick Fix demo. Their myspace says their demo is coming out as a 7" on Despair Records that you can pre-order right now. So pick that up.

comically large emoticons are in

the dumbest thing I've seen in my life

Great job GRN Apple Tree! Thanks for simultaneously ruining mummies and hoodies for me. I'll just let this giant emoticon do the talking for me...

"And if they ever ask about me, tell them I was more than just a great set of boobs. I was also an incredible pair of legs."

I'm just about to send an interview out to my boy Jeremy Saffer and I know if anyone would appreciate what I'm about to talk about right now, it would be him. (or Baltimore's Patrick Martin, who also loves goth babez)

Elvira: Mistress Of The Dark

Elvira! Cassandra Peterson has been my recent celebrity crush. And I'll admit I verged on creepy stalker level with this one. Especially considering the fact that she's 35 years older than me. A few days ago I was even trying to find her daughter on myspace. Pathetic. But how can you not be into her? Natural redhead, animal rights activist by day, large breasted, Mistress Of The Dark by night... into it. She'll be 58 this year and still looks awesome. Don't believe me? PROOF!

Cassandra Peterson at 56 years old

Anyway during my total Elvira lurkfest I came across the Cassandra Peterson pre-Elvira nudes. While she never posed nude as the Elvira character, she had done these in the past. I'm assuming these are from around the time of her Italian rock band/Fellini film phase. Here's one of the "safer" pictures.


After that I don't think I need to even plead my case for why I'm into Elvira right now. I was hoping she would be at Megacon last weekend so I could meet her and console her in this post-divorce period. I was greatly let down when I checked the site. Maybe next year. If you can make it where I can hang with Elvira get at me ASAP. Until then I'll have to settle for watching Elvira: Mistress Of The Dark and Elvira's Haunted Hills on repeat.

Cassandra Peterson! Holla atcha boy!

there is no god

So February 19th came and went without a new Rap Cat song. I believe the word for this is: forsaken. The Checkers sponsored rapture has been canceled.

edit: At 5:40pm I checked the Rap Cat site again and the new single "Meow Meow" was now up. It seems Rap Cat was just testing the faith of his believers and I failed miserably :(. I wonder how you repent to a cat in jersey? "Rollin' with the Rap Cat"

no facial hair surrender

This Stone Sour tour is gonna be a total flannelfest. I could not be more excited. Usually I witness a fair amount of ridiculous facial hair arrangements. I have a feeling on this tour all previous records for wacky goatees will not only be topped, but blown away. I'm expecting the old favorites like the crustache, neck beard and chinhawk. The possibilities for new unexplored forms of facial hair are really exciting me. Right now the wildest shit I've ever seen was this dude who had his shit lined up like a pair of Asics cross trainers at Buca one night. If there is a god he will let me see stuff even more far out than an emperor tamarin monkey on a nightly basis. People with goatees, as much as I hate you, I love you. Manrock, Lollapalooza crowd surfing and Creed shirts are in, facial dignity is out. Stoked.

top this Pearl Jammers

(The Match) Factory Girl

Fandango and my local movie theatre just tricked me. When I looked at what was playing for today Fandango had this movie listed for 7:30pm:

The Match Factory Girl (Tulitikkutehtaan tyttö )
Release Date: January 12, 1990

Cast: Kati Outinen, Elina Salo, Esko Nikkari

Director: Aki Kaurismäki

Synopsis: The Match Factory Girl is a dark, slow, quiet, mordant, unassumingly sly black comedy about a young woman's bleak existence. Ignored by her family and deserted by her one-time lover (Outinen), Iris finds release from her woes with a packet of rat poison...only suicide is not exactly what she has in mind.

Scandinavian black comedy? Rat poison? Sounded good to me. In reality when I purchased my ticket for The Match Factory Girl I had unknowingly bought a ticket for:

Factory Girl
Release Date: February 2, 2007

Cast: Sienna Miller, Guy Pearce, Hayden Christensen

Director: George Hickenlooper

Synopsis: In the mid-1960s, wealthy debutant Edie Sedgwick (Sienna Miller) meets artist Andy Warhol (Guy Pearce). Edie joins Warhol's famous Factory and becomes his muse. Though she seems to have it all, Edie cannot have the love she craves from Andy. Edie has an affair with a charismatic musician (Hayden Christensen), who pushes her to seek independence from Andy and the Factory. Based on a true story.

Needless to say I was really confused once the movie started and I was seeing Andy Warhol and not rat poison. The fact the name of the movie was in pink and blue over the theatre door should have clued me in when I went in, but I just assumed it was some wacky Ikea type shit.

Regardless of it being the wrong movie it wasn't that bad. Kind of cheesy, but I guess that can be expected from a movie based on 60's art scene/counter culture. It reminded me of Smithereens. Annoying female main character who goes to New York City trying to "break into the scene" that you eventually feel bad for, sad ending, blah blah blah. Richard Hell is far cooler than Guy Pearce though. I didn't really know who Edie Sedgewick was before seeing the movie, now I know who every scene girl owes their look to. The girl who played her wasn't as cute as the real thing, but the girl who played Nico was smoking. Anakin Skywalker plays Bob Dylan in it, which is kind of annoying since all I could think about was that dude's dumb side rat tail in Star Wars.

Overall things could have turned out worse with this case of mistaken movie identity. Next time though, Fandango, you better watch your back.

PS: I was the only person in the theatre... so sweet.

no seriously...

Rap Cat is my new religion. I live to praise him and sow the seeds of his message. Experience the gospel. www.rap-cat.com. Meow meow meow meow meow. My holy trinity is currently Rap Cat, Elvira/Cassandra Peterson and Morning Again (even though Jonas Feinberg does not back that one). Tomorrow will be like the second coming for Christ for me. Fuh life.

Rap Cat facts:

• has a son named Lil' Meow Meow

• he can be found at the left side drive thru

• his foster great grandmother died at age 116

• he has 3 couches

• can be refereed to as Rap Cat, Rapcat (one word) or The Furry One
  

• veterinarians declared Rap Cat's rhymes "seriously ill"

I <3 Rap Cat

Monday is going to be off the hook! The Rap Cat single drops and then March 5th... the Rap Cat video. I love this dude!!! Check www.rap-cat.com for info. I could not possibly be any more excited by a rapping cat puppet. I feel like I should buy Checkers despite the fact that I'm vegan just for the Rap Cat jersey bag. If you have a cat that I can put a jersey bag on hit me up. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow. Fuuhhhhhhh.

Stinkor: the case against patchouli

FINALLY! I've found solid, indisputable proof that if you enjoy the smell of patchouli you are not only a disgusting human being but also have a serious problem. I'd like to thank He-Man And The Masters Of The Universe for finally giving me the evidence I need.

Ok tonight I randomly came across a little known He-Man villain named Stinkor. Of course I was intrigued and had to look into him. Basically Stinkor is a humanoid skunk who's power is that he smells so bad it can not only "repel" you, but also "destroy" you with it.


This dude's power is so bogus he didn't even get used in the original series. We're talking so lame that a series that even found a place for Snout Spout the robotic, elephant, fire fighter (who was put into multiple episodes of spin-off series She-Ra) had no room for him. But of course they made a toy of him anyway. It was the 80's and cartoon action figures were hot, so I can't blame them for trying to make money from nothing. The action figure for this dude was probably made before he was even pitched to the show... or rejected from the show? Eventually when they remade He-Man a few years ago Stinkor finally found his place. Face it though, being shelved for 17 years and then finally put into the equivalent of The Fog remake isn't really making it.


Now that you know Stinkor's background, here's where the one time this dude will ever be useful comes in. During my quest for info on the second worst character of all time (for me at least, Snout Spout is far lamer) I ran across this quote about how his figure's unique scent was given to him:

"The manufacturers of the original Stinkor toy mixed the plastic used in the mold with patchouli oil to achieve its unique scent. It was done this way, instead of being sprayed or coated, to prevent the smell from wearing off over time. Many toy collectors mention that, even 20 years after its original purchase, the Stinkor toy still retains its smell." - Wikipedia

There you have it. This stuff smells so bad that it was thought the best solution for getting across the odor of a "human skunk". If you wear this or light this stuff around me from now on I will not only bring up my new friend Stinkor, but pummel you in the same way He-Man would have if he had ever gotten a chance to lay his hands on him in his prime.

playlist: test, test, casual friday, test

I think podcasting is the wave of the future that's leaving me behind. Not only do I have no desire to actually talk about things between songs, but I can't figure out how to do it. Instead I'm gonna try to put these playlists online every so often until someone decides I should have my own radio , DJ their next high school dance (hook a brother up!) or have my record collection taken away. In the future I'll try to do a theme or something. Until then here's the first test. 20 tracks that clock in around an hour:

Richard Hell & The Voidoids - "Blank Generation"
The Ramones - "Pet Sematary"
Ted Leo & The Pharmacists - "Me And Mia"
Neko Case - "If You Knew"
Peter, Bjorn And John - "The Chills"
Leonard Cohen - "Who By Fire"
Samael - "The Cross"
Integrity - "Judgement Day"
Meneguar - "The Temp"
The Dead Boys - "All This And More"
Bad Brains - "Pay To Cum"
Naglfar - "I Am Vengeance"
The Hellacopters - "By The Grace Of God"
Christian Death - "Romeo's Distress"
Bigod 20 - "Like A Prayer"
Cro-Mags - "Hard Times"
The Smiths - "Still Ill"
Lords Of The New Church - "Dance With Me"
Rammstein - "Sonne"
Mississippi John Hurt - "Nobody's Dirty Business"

If you click the "launch standalone player" button you can continue on with your day while you listen. Be warned the songs flow together about as well as they fit together musically. And if you've ever suspected I had whack test in music, here's the proof. If I was a real disc jockey I suppose this is where I'd say something like, "and now here's another solid rock block of commercial free songs to help you finish up the work week..."

Mastodon, best dressed band at an awards show

Looks like Mastodon finally made it. Not because of the Grammy nomination, but because of this clip of E! Entertainment "fashion policing" them. The best part is the Hulkamaniac's daughter is not a fan of Bill's rat tail. Yo Troy, what's up with the crazy wave?

"transexual in pittsburgh"

"Mafia Man"

Oh wow just when I thought my Valentine's Day was gonna be a total bust, this guy went ahead and brightened my day. Being a total narcissist of course I have a spyspace and here's what I saw when I checked it earlier:


Notice this dude "Mafia Man" came across my myspace while doing a search for "transexual in pittsburgh". I guess he just got a little lost looking for some Valentine's Day love, so I figured I would send him support to not give up the cause:


"dear dude... sorry i'm not a tranny... hopefully you found the chick with a dick you were looking for."


I also got a little worried as to why my myspace came up in a search for "transexual in pittsburgh", but I just realized it was from this comment. I was hoping there would be a more exciting reason.

"What's up chief? Glad to see you didn't get blown away in a tornadic fury last week. Or did you? Come visit Pittsburgh some time, I can't promise you flashing Hot Dog stand dwelling transexual hookers, but there are some nice parks n'at."

And that comment means exactly what it says: last time I hung out with this dude we got flashed by a tranny who was hanging out at a hot dog stand.

How can anyone not love the internet? I know it just made my day. Happy Valentine's Day.

interview: Bill Smiles (Raining Bricks)

Right now "epic" is the only term I can come up with to describe Bill Smiles. At one time I could have used the term "Chicago straight edge legend". Actually I guess that term still works in a different sense now. Bill used to sing for Plan Of Attack, now he plays bass in Raining Bricks, tattoos at Family Tattoo, gets drunk across the greater Chicago area and answers questions for me.


Most people will remember you from the time you spent singing for Plan Of Attack. Are you happy with everything you guys did with that band and the impression it left on people?

We left an impression? Sweet. That band was a lot of fun. Ryan Wilson and I used to steal the van when everyone was asleep and go looking for either ghosts, monsters or strip clubs. When Dan was in the band, he had the most perverted stories ever. Liz had to deal with stinky boys all the time. If I drank then, I would have died for sure.


You're currently in a band called Raining Bricks. Whats the deal with that band and why would you have ever thought it was a good idea to try to change your name from "Bill Smiles" to "Billy Bricks"?

What's the deal? Well... we drink a lot. Except for Farn. He's straight edge. We're way more fun than him though. One time me and Widge got so drunk in Madison together. He swears that I tried to kiss him, but I'm straight. I swear. Carson was a mailman, but he quit. Jimmy Jazz once woke up in the van covered in blood... still doesn't know what happened. One time in Iowa after a show with Modern Life Is War and Spanish Bombs, some dude did a cannonball through a picture window. Total party-ender. The next day we watched dudes throw air conditioner units out a window in St. Louis. I believe a brick fell from the sky that night, too... pure coincidence. Not planned. Someone took baby Jesus, too. Oh yeah, our music is cool, too. (notice, Bill avoids mention of "Billy Bricks")

"Billy Bricks"

Do you ever wish you had pursued Bad Beards further, as it obviously had the recipe for success? (Bad Beards featured 2 members of Dead to Fall and both me and Bill Smiles on bass)

Raining Bricks became everything Bad Beards was supposed to be... minus the beards. But seriously... Bad Beards had the best t-shirt designs and demo cover ever. We should have toured.


You tattoo now at Family Tattoo in Chicago. How did that get hooked up and what's been the highlight of your brief tattooing career so far?

I do tattoo. You have a spitting tiger demon and a sailor rat on you to prove it. I don't know how it happened. It's something I wanted to do for a long time. Finally my friends opened a shop and took me on. It's been sweet. I've done some ridiculous tattoos. But I'm too drunk right now to remember some of them. (here's a link to some of them)

Bill made me and Chowdah "shipmates!"

What was the highlight of your time working for Victory Screen Printing and having Tony Brummel as a boss? (yeah THAT Victory) Also, side question: In Cold Blood or Integrity?

The highlight was the time that I left the spot heater on and it caught a pallet on fire. Tony got to play fireman. He was super excited about it. The place could have burned down. But Tony saved the day. Tony was something else. I'd go into details, but he'd probably beat me up. Oh yeah... one time he gave everyone in the office brand new shoes from New Balance... except for me. I didn't get shit. I also didn't get a Christmas bonus once. Everyone else did. I heard this year he cut out Christmas bonuses or something. Great dude. For real.

In Cold Blood kicked ass. Fun dudes to hang out with. Integrity... eh... Chubby Fresh loves me cuz I love America, though. Dwid is strange.

Tony Brummel: entrepreneur, cat owner, firefighter

It's common knowledge that you hate a lot of stuff. What's most recent on your list?

* hangovers
* pickles
* most current bands
* painters
* cheapskates
* the fact that I can no longer find Sparks Plus at any store

o Sparks Plus, where art thou?

Rumor is you killed a dude once. Explain?

I can't get into it too deep with this one for obvious reasons. But it may or may not have happened once or twice in my lifetime. Basically, don't cross me or you'll end up dead.


At one point in your life I couldn't imagine you anywhere other than sitting on the couch with a bucket of ice cream watching Hated, what happened in the past few years to change this?

I basically became the equivalent of GG Allin for awhile... but it was more Jabbers era GG and no so much Toilet Rocker/Holy Men/Murder Junkies era. Remember when Merle Allin called me and called me all kinds of names? That ruled.

called Bill a "scum fuck", among other things

Just so you know now that you moved back in with Stephanie I feel like order has been restored to the cosmos. Is there anything else you'd like to say? (Stephanie Marlow is like the yin to Bill Smiles yang, as well as being the sweetest publicist on planet Earth)

Yes. Here's more questions that you should have asked:

1. Bill Smiles, why are you so awesome? (when I texted Bill about this he asked if I was hitting on him)
2. How much did you drink before this interview? ("I'm wasted and I love you")
3. Do you use spellcheck? (the answer might be yes, because I only had to correct one word)


Obviously "epic" was the correct term. Buy Bill drinks at Raining Bricks shows or visit him at Family Tattoo, you could also in theory buy him drinks there as well. You can see some of his tattoos here before you get him drunk. Ask him about the time I drove Plan Of Attack to Madison. All I've got to say about it is: young punks in love, woo!

Jon Hoffacker vs. Rammstein

Hoffacker just told me that he used to jerk off to this Rammstein video in high school. While I completely back Rammstein and spent the past hour on youtube watching live videos of them, I still find this kind if weird.

[22:44] TheNameIsKarim: if it doesn't feature germans on fire i might not back it
[22:45] xbreakfacebreak : YES
[22:45] xbreakfacebreak : it has a slut man
[22:45] TheNameIsKarim: is she on fire?
[22:45] xbreakfacebreak : she is smoking
[22:45] xbreakfacebreak : hot



[22:51] TheNameIsKarim: ok number 1 she is a giant
[22:51] xbreakfacebreak : shup
[22:51] TheNameIsKarim: number 2 she snorts gold dust
[22:51] xbreakfacebreak : so far you have given me no reason not to jerk off
[22:51] xbreakfacebreak : and one reason to
[22:52] TheNameIsKarim: and her spanking dwarf versions of Rammstein?
[22:52] xbreakfacebreak : i am going to allow it
[22:53] TheNameIsKarim: is that house you live in still filled with guns?
[22:53] xbreakfacebreak : i moved out
[22:53] xbreakfacebreak : but yes


edit: Hoffacker requested I change his name to having 2 F's...

[23:17] xbreakfacebreak : yo, put in two F's
[23:18] xbreakfacebreak : i dont want a job search to find that off google

I don't even have to make stuff like that up.

Ving Rhames, best dressed male in a Wes Craven film

Can I give Ving Rhames an award for best outfit in a horror movie? Because his get up in People Under The Stairs is classic. Part African dashiki, part denim jacket, all man. I only wish he had given Fool (aka: "Baby Bad" in Michael Jackson: Moonwalker... seriously) a little matching outfit instead of the Boy Scout outfit. Actually if Dad had woven a little African flavor into his gimp outfit he would have defiantly taken the win, but as it stands: Ving Rhames, best dressed male in a Wes Craven film. Please do not dispute me on this one.

I would hang with dude in a heartbeat

"Death is certain... Asmodis is not..."

In the summer of 2000 I went out to California for a while and stayed with my friend who worked at Century Media. While I was out there Century Media Europe had this contest where if you won you got flown to LA to see the first night of the King Diamond & Shadows Fall tour or something like that. Anyway turns out Century Media US didn't know about the contest until they got a call asking if someone could go pick the contest winner up at the airport in a couple hours.

Since I had nothing going on I got picked as the person to hang out with this random German dude for his first visit to the US. He actually ended up being a pretty nice dude minus the fact that he smelled like a koala, was obsessed with Denny's and asked me weird shit like, "Do you know if we can find the singer of Gamma Ray's house?" This dude was named Jan, a.k.a. "Candy-Boy", and he played bass in this German thrash metal band Asmodis.

One night we went to go see Mayhem & Exhumed and Candy-Boy was in rare for when we went to pick him up. Apparently he had been locked in his hotel room doing pills all day and was really psyched on the idea of having a threesome with one of the girls from the Century Media office and I guess anyone else who would join in. Needless to say that never happened and somehow the night ended with me being stuck in a car that only got Disney radio while a drunk dude who looked like Danny Bonaduce screamed the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang song out the window.

For whatever reason I just busted out the Asmodis CD and decided to look online about them this morning. Here's a weird story I came across about their drummer Tom "Slauhgter-Ed Crowley/Disharmonix" Quast :

"By the way, his brother had killed a woman by mistake then called Disharmonix up to help him. The two got correctly drunk and sawed the corpse to pieces. Disharmonix then got on his bicycle and threw the parts of the body on garbage piles all across Hamburg. Afterwards both were on the run and got arrested in France later on."

Pretty brutal. I probably would have though Candy-Boy was a lot cooler if he had told me that story. Anyway I guess the dude is playing in some power metal band called Paragon now... not so brutal.

course of empire: destruction

This is pretty much how the entire world makes me feel. If you've ever had to go shopping with me while it's busy out you'll understand. I don't think everyone in the world is retarded, but I do think anyone who isn't becomes retarded when they find out there's a chance they'll be interacting with me in some way during the day. The last thing I wanted to do tonight was wait in line behind some fucking lady who spent 18 minutes trying to scan bake mix at 10pm. If you don't know how to use self checkout... don't fucking use it! All I wanted to do was go home and watch Vegas Vacation in peace, but apparently that's to much to ask. Also Walmart, you have 4 self checkout machines, how about you try opening the other 3? Earth sucks.

"ghetto stricken, filth ridden"

Check this pic of Dwid from the first Integrity show. 17 years later and this dude is still on some next level shit. I'm not even gonna pretend that anyone other than one of Mad Max's Latino friends could pull off that look. There's some more pics here.

the curse of J. Howard Mummy II

Anna Nicole Smith just died! Which is further proof that J. Howard Marshall II's fortune was cursed. First his stepson (E. Pierce Marshall), then Anna's son (Daniel Smith), now Anna Nicole herself. When will people learn to stop fucking with the mummy's curse?

here's something you won't see on Hypebeast

If you're in the Baltimore area, Celebrated Summer Records (run by Deep Sleep/Never Enough's Tony Pence) is releasing this limited edition cereal box package. It comes with the shirt, 3 pins and a "mystery surprise" all packaged in a Thrash Cat cereal box. The packages are $25 each and limited to 50. Check their site for more info.

Apparently Terror is the first band to have New Era fitted hats. Prediction: dudes with diamond plugs and mesh shorts will soon be spending exorbitant amounts of money for these on eBay. They come in two colorways and I'm sure they'll sell out faster than the GB tour 7". I'm not the type of dude to wear flat brimmed hats, but I have to admit these do look pretty good. Check Martin's blog for more info on them. Dudes are on tour right now so go check them out when they come through your town, if they haven't already.

There's going to be a second memorial show for Asian Dave on February 17th at Coolspring Township Hall in Michigan City, IN. For more info click the flyer. If you're in the northwest Indiana or the Chicago area you have no excuse for not going. Go support a good cause, all the money from the show is going to Dave's family to help pay funeral costs. Even if you didn't know Dave just go and watch the bands then. The dorks from Above This Fire are coming all the way out from Cleveland for this show. They're nominated for "best hardcore band in Cleveland" right now, which is just silly because everyone knows Ringworm is the best band in Cleveland. And The Killer is playing. No one wants to miss that. Seeing The Killer on a regular basis is probably the highlight of living in Chicago. If you've never heard this band do yourself a favor and watch this video of them playing "Pills" from the first Asian Dave benefit show or download the song here. Punishing.

It looks like Blacklisted's new 7" ('Peace On Earth, War On Stage') is about as hyped as the iPhone right now. There's not even MP3's or a set release date for it yet and dudes are talking about it being record of the year already. Not bad for a band that was gonna break up 6 months ago.

Frankly, I just want The Nightmare to put out some new songs because "Riverbottom Nightmare Band" is my jam.

"we don't wish to learn, but we hate what we don't understaaaannnnnddddd"

If you don't know, educate yourself. Someone seriously hook me up with an MP3 of this song.

Check back soon for interviews with two of my favorite bass player/tattoo artists, Bill Smiles and Myles Karr. I'm out!

why I love Chowdah Luv

Stuff like this is part of the reason why Chowdah Luv is such an amazing human being. I just got this phone call:

Hello.

Hey whats up buddy I just wanted to call and give you a head up that I used you as a reference, so you might get a phone call.

A reference for what?

The gay porno store. So don't be weirded out if they call.

The level this dude boggles my mind on a near daily basis can only be described with how boggled the mother panda is in this video clip:



I'm not really sure how I ended up with a 30 year old ex-crackhead who's obsessed with Dio as one of my best friends, but it's probably one of the best decisions in my life. Ladies and gentlemen, Chowdah Luv...

(note: Chowdah Luv has not been gay since high school, except for that night with Chip Chip on top of the pinball machine... seriously)

t-minus 8 days and counting...

So Valentine's Day is next week and this is about the time when everyone who is still alone usually starts panicking trying to find someone to spend the special day with. If you're someone that buys into all that stuff, good luck. I can't say I'm really looking forward to it, BUT I could not be more excited for how crazy craigslist personals are gonna be across the country on February 14th. Normally there's some pretty hilarious shit on there but I'd be willing to put money on V-Day really bringing the freaks out. Internet weirdos, don't let me down.

In other V-Day related news does anyone else think Peter, Bjorn And John's "Young Folks" is gonna be the Valentines Mix Tape song of '07? I can only imagine how many dorks in sweaters are gonna be dubbing that song for their girl/girl-to-be and really trying to step up their "air of mystery" with that, "if I told you things I did before, told you how I used to be, would you go along with someone like me" line. Don't get me wrong, I like the song, but I still hate dudes who wear scarves. I would post the video, but it really bothers me.

Also how man happy couples are gonna be listening to that Lily Allen chick? I don't get it, but apparently I'm the only one. If you can explain this to me, please go ahead. I'm gonna go drink more Orange Gatorade and try not to puke up this Chinese food I ate earlier.

PS: I know I said I wasn't gonna post it, but here's that video anyway:

Faith No More & Boo-Yaa T.R.I.B.E. - "Another Body Murdered"

After talking about this song earlier I felt like I should post the video for the sake of everyone who has never heard it. Ganxsta Rid is hard as hell.

interview: Nick Hipa (As I Lay Dying)

Being 24 years old and playing in front of thousands of people across the world has to be a pretty alright gig. As I Lay Dying (or AILD, as the hip kids call them) guitarist, and world's most posi dude, Nick Hipa used his current downtime to tell me about it.


How long have you been in AILD and how did you get in the band?

I've been in As I Lay Dying for over 3 years now. I finagled my way into the band by having a heavy rep' on the streets for being the cats pajamas... that and my previous band had toured with AILD way back in the day and we had kept in touch.


It seems like you guys have some intense super-fans. Have any of them done any crazy stuff to you guys yet?

Unfortunately nothing gnarly has happened to us yet. I'm waiting for the moment when someone finally does something sweet, so I can call all my friends who have been asking me the same question and tell them a story they could share with their children.


Since you guys are way down with Jesus is it weird being on the same label that released Slayer's 'Hell Awaits' and Cannibal Corpse's 'Butchered At Birth'?

I could see how it would seem weird, but we're down with Slayer and Cannibal Corpse too... just not as much as we are with the Jesus... but to answer your question no its not weird.

Metal Blade Records, 1985

Also on the subject of Metal Blade, how stoked do you get when you think about the fact that Goo Goo Dolls used to be on the label? That song "Ain't That Unusual" they had on the Angus soundtrack was real sweet. (Metal Blade had a hand in releasing 5 Goo Goo Dolls records)

I'm stoked with the whole Goo Goo Dolls thing because when I'm talking to old legitimate people and they're asking me questions about the band, when the question of what label we're on comes up, I get blank stares with Metal Blade, but when I name drop the Goo Goo Dolls, they get quasi-impressed.

Metal Blade Records, 1990

You are probably the happiest dude on the face of the Earth. How do you keep up that PMA?

I don't really know what PMA is, but if I had to guess, I would say it stood for Pulverizing Mind Acrobatics. The answer then, is that I listen to a lot of brutal music while watching old Kung Fu movies and playing Sudoku. (PMA is "positive mental attitude", listen to more Bad Brains)


You're from Hawaii, right? Why would you ever decide to live in the continental 48 when you could be soaking up rays in a tropical paradise?

I was born in Hawaii and lived there until I was about 10. The reason I ended up on the mainland is because my Mom wanted to move and I had no choice being that I was 10. Everyone on my Dad's side still lives on Oahu, and I try to make it out there at least three or four times a year. But to be a bit more specific about why I don't live there now, it is virtually impossible to do anything significant with music on an island in the Pacific... Unless of course you want to play Hawaiian music or you are Jack Johnson. (the Curious George guy, not the boxer)

apparently what all Hawaiian musicians strive to be

On Conan O'Brien they have that celebrity secrets segment... let me get a dark secret about you.

I'm in a real life gang and we are a menace to society.


Chowdah Luv thinks you're real bummed out on him after finding out his stance on Oprah and Lando Calrissian, is this true? (I'll soon be posting a bunch of stuff about Chowdah Luv, keep your eyes peeled)

I love Chowdah Luv... while I don't necessarily condone his outspokenness on the subject, deep deep down inside, I agree with him.

Chowdah Luv is not a racist, these 2 on the other hand...

Thanks man. Any last words?

Yeah, if for some reason you haven't seen the cinematic masterpiece Pick of Destiny by Tenacious D, then I sincerely urge you to visit your local theatre or movie store and see it. Although I think the film is currently in the awkward stage where it isn't in theatres and is not available for purchase or rentals, as if it doesn't really exist right now.


As I Lay Dying is currently preparing their follow up to to 2005's 'Shadows Are Security'. You can find out more about it at www.asilaydying.com as it comes along. Also, seriously, listen to more Bad Brains.