"I go shuffling out of life just to hide in death a while"

KC is out of control right now. After reading the news last night I found out some dude shot and killed 2 people before getting shot by the cops in the mall parking lot while I was in the movie theatre. Now today some guy is out stabbing people in the street or something and they have the club blocked off while a police helicopter searches for him. KC murder city? I feel like I'm in Compton or something.

On top of this I just found out the little sister of this girl I dated like 6 years ago got hit by a car and killed as she was getting off the bus the other day. It's a real bummer because she was a real nice girl and that's a real shitty way to go. I don't really know what else to say about it. But I am legitimately bummed for the first time in a while. Fuck man.

"Nothing is safe from their fate. Death in it's arms."

four movies in a week

So this week I've seen 4 movies (5 if you count Grindhouse as 2). Pretty unusual to be able to catch that many flicks on tour. Not bad.

Hot Fuzz
I caught this one with Kim and Sarah when I was in Anaheim. It starts off pretty slow, but the second half of the movie totally makes it. Pretty much from where he hits the old woman in the face on is where it was at for this movie. All the Bad Boys 2 references were pretty great too. Mainly because for someone reason we had just watched Bad Boys 2 on the bus a couple night before anyway. Not as good as Shaun Of The Dead, but still worth seeing. Maybe more worth just waiting for it to come out on DVD to see. I need to find out the chubby sidekick guys name for future "obscure reference" references.


The Invisible
Hello Ghost 2? This movie was not so hot. Not only did the preview totally mislead me as to what it was about, the movie mislead me into sitting through to the end of it thinking something was going to happen. I wish I has just waited the extra 30 minutes and gone to see The Condemned instead. Then at least I would have known I was in for bad times. Which reminds the premier of The Condemned was right next door to our show in Detroit and I didn't even get to see Stone Cold in person. At least I went and saw this at the movie theatre next to the Sunshine in Albuquerque cause I traded the manager tickets to our show for free tickets to the movie. Paying for this would have really ruined my day.


Grindhouse
I went and saw this today during our off day in Kansas City. I was fairly skeptical going into this one because everyone had hyped it up so much. Planet Terror was pretty much what I expected. Over the top, black comedy, zombie flick. Rose McGowan was looking way good in it. With the combo of seeing her in this movie and Doom Generation I think Marilyn Manson wins the loser of the decade award for letting her slip by. Anyway Planet Terror was at least entertaining. Everyone had told me Death Proof was going to suck, but I can't really agree on that one. I kind of wish it had been just a full length movie on its own. Even the ending of it ruled. Don't believe the hype. Stoked I got to see this on the big screen though.


Blade Of Glory
Again skeptical going into this one and saw it with GRBDN after seeing Grindhouse. This makes me think I should really stop putting it off and go see Taladega Nights now. The movie was pretty hilarious. Me and GRBDN were laughing obnoxiously loud in the fairly empty theatre. It went from us laughing to the fat black girl saying stuff like, "Oh no they didn't" really loud. Great movie experience. All the little things really made it for me like the stained glass of a guy shooting an ice skater. Also all the violence against people in mascot outfits was great. A+, would bid again.

Boomerang-a-rang

Lauryn finally sent pictures of our boomerang adventure. This is basically the quick and dramatic version of what happened...

I threw the boomerang. Sadly it did not come back to me.

It did however land in the water. Paul Hogan would not be proud at this point.

Courtney fetched me possibly the most rotten stick in the world to get it out with.

Even with a stick I was still putting myself in mortal danger on these perilous banks. I'm sure a snake was waiting to bite my ass if I didn't fall in first.

The boomerang is back in my hands, but will it stay there?...

Yes. The boomerang is rescued. I'm happy, Lemmy is happy.

The end.

M&M mini donut playlist

Yesterday I think Satan did the catering because there were a couple M&M mini covered cake donuts out on the breakfast line. Whoever invented that has no respect for mankind. Those things were like a heart attack waiting to happen at an estimated 900 calories each. GRBDN and Brian Fair both attempted to eat one and only got halfway through before throwing in the towel.


Whoever made that donut probably also made it so my iPod did this great playlist on shuffle right afterwards.

1. Dead & Gone - "Mary King's Close"
2. Pungent Stench - "Brainpan Blues"
3. Giant Squid - "Revolution In The Water"
4. Cream Abdul Babar - "It's Hard To Sue When Your Laughing"
5. The Rolling Stones - "Honky Tonk Women"
6. Ministry - "The Missing"
7. Pig - "Contempt"
8. Harvey Milk - "The End"
9. Air - "Afternoon Sister"
10. AFI - "Strength Through Wounding"
11. Johnny Cash - "Like A Soldier"
12. Lion Of Judah - "Soul Power"
13. R.L. Burnside - "Chain Of Fools"
14. Jay-Z (feat. M.O.P.) - "U Don't Know" (remix)
15. Red Lorry, Yellow Lorry - "Do You Understand?"
16. The Damned - "Disco Man"
17. Poison Idea - "Underage"
18. Planes Mistaken For Stars - "Belly Full Of Hell"
19. Mind Eraser - "Subtle Entities"
20. Patti Smith - "My Generation" (live)
21. The Hellacopters - "Killing Allan"
22. Dear Diary I Seem To Be Dead - "08.03 (Ten)"
23. Napalm Death - "Point Of No Return"

I don't care if it was Satan or a disgruntled baker. Either way great jams for my workday. M&M mini donut playlist is saved on my pod for posterity.

Woooooo!

"Limousine riding, jet flying, kiss stealing, wheeling, dealing, son of a gun."

I'd like to think Ric "The Nature Boy" Flair is going to get me through the next 40 days of tour. Otherwise this months record pick ups are gonna have to get me by:

• Amy Winehouse - 'Back To Black'
• Amy Winehouse - 'Frank'
• The Associates - 'The Affectionate Punch'
  
• The Associates - 'Wild And Lonely'
• Ben Folds - 'supersunnyspeedgraphic, the lp'
  
• Big Business - 'Here Come The Waterworks'
• Books Lie - 'Hall Of Fame On Fire'
• Cool Your Jets - 'Saving Grace'
• Early Man - 's/t'
• Generation X - 'Perfect Hits 1975-1981'
  
• The Glove - 'Blue Sunshine'
• Guitar Wolf - 'Golden Black'
• Heaven Shall Burn - 'Deaf To Our Prayers'
  
• Helmet - 'Meantime'
• Hot Cross - 'Risk Revival'
  
• Integrity - 'Silver In The Hands Of Time'
• Integrity - 'Systems Overload'
• The Knives - 'Skin Flicks'
  
• Mew - 'Frengers'
• Mew - 'And The Glass Handed Kites'
• Naglfar - 'Harvest'
• Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - 'The Best Of'
  
• Nico - 'The Marble Index'
  
• Nine Inch Nails - Broken'
• Nine Inch Nails - 'Fixed'
• Rev. Paul Bearer - 'No Really, Go Fuck Yourself' LP
• Richard Hell & The Voidoids - 'Blank Generation'
• RJD2 - 'The Third Hand'
• Rocket From The Crypt - 'Dancing Birds' 7"
• Ruination - 'Dead Horse' 7"
• Ruiner - 'Prepare To Be Let Down'
• Sex/Vid - 'Tanja' 7"
• Siouxsie & The Banshees - 'Join Hands'
• The Spectacle - 'Rope Or Guillotine' LP
• True Blue - 'The Ice' 7"
• Undying - 'The Whispered Lies Of Angels'
• Unsane - 'Lambhouse'
• Victim - 'Electrocutioner'
• Witchery - 'Don't Fear The Reaper'
• v/a - 'Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters Colon The Soundtrack'

40 records, 40 days. All I know is Nick Cave and the "haters pass" make my work day fly by.


...and buttz.

day 4 in SoCal, 4 pics to prove it

In the past 4 days I've done a lot of "real work", discovered Cactus Cooler, seen Hot Fuzz, went to a Denny's with Lauryn and Courtney to happened to drive all the way out here from Texas the same days I was here (how convenient), worn a women's tank top while insulting Chad and almost made GRBDN choke to death.

Miss Kim Weis and Miss Sarah Boone came to visit me for 2 days. Both these girls have never had a boyfriend and from how serious I look in this picture I am obviously too cool to date either of them. I think Sarah was posing for a prom picture.

For some reason these 2 ducks where hanging out by Disney. I wasn't the only one who thought it was strange. Even the dudes cleaning up the parking lot where boggled about why they had to wait in line and didn't just call Donald and Daisy up for some season passes. As of today only kids under the age of 7 think I'm funny.

If you ever go into a sushi place and don't see any Asians working. It's always a bad sign. Kim and Sarah both obviously agree.

I didn't meet this girl. I feel my life would be far better and I would like LA way more if I had.

And for the record California still has the worst vegan food in the United States. What gives?

and two more weeks go by

I think we're 5 weeks into tour now or something like that. I always think I took a lot of pictures then when I go back and looks it's like one every other day. I guess I don't have a career in photojournalism ahead of me or anything. Then again half the kids in photography school don't either. Anyway...


We had a show at a round club in Phoenix. It was real weird. I felt like I should have been reciting Macbeth there or something. I guess Jager in the round works as well as Shakespeare. Cause I'm not real into old dead English dudes. Then again I'm not real into Jager either. There was a poster in the bathroom for Jimmie J.J. Walker's 70's Soul Bash. That I can get behind.

Shadows Fall did a sweet Hulkamaniacs intro in the round club because the walkway to the stage looked like it was straight out of WWF. The pictures didn't really come out because Chinni had the lights way up so Ric Flair couldn't sabotage them or something.

I just had to post this pic so I could state the fact that I finally met someone else who remembers the day I gave up faith in pro wrestling. When I was a little kid Hulk Hogan was obviously my jam. But after Sgt. Slaughter and the Iron Sheik double teamed him and hit him with that burning flag he did this thing where they showed him in a hospital bed and he was asking for all the Hulkamaniacs to send him money and show support by buying a wristband. I may have been like 6 and still thought wrestling was real, but even I knew that was a scam.

Consider that the day I could no longer get joy from seeing the Ultimate Warrior all cracked out or Jake The Snake in the middle of a coke fit with a ball python. Somehow Roy from Stone Sour remembered that too. A+ dude even if he did steal his image from that kid Rufio in Hook and thinks The Hulkster's daughter is bangable. Banagarang dude.

I forgot to post this after me, GRBDN and Baltimore's Patrick Martin went to Camden. The Orioles logo is real nice. I kinda wish I had bought a hat with that weird orange pigeon on it.

I'm not sure why everyone was standing up during this part of the Astros game we went to. I know I def didn't take a picture during the National Anthem. They had these two people from Cirque Du Soleil come out and sing the anthem and I just remember thinking it was really weird that they had two French-Canadian clowns come out and do it in Texas. I was expecting to see them get pelted with a barrage of Bubba Burgers or something.

Every once in a while you get an outdoor show on a nice day. This was one. Notice the "skeet skeet" shirt. I guess that's better than the dude in the SS shirt standing in front of the merch table last night. And I thought San Diego was supposed to be all liberal?

This picture was hanging on the wall of the catering room in Dallas. I thought it was real swell. Stevie Wonder playing drums for The Meters. It doesn't get to much more epic than that. I think even if Stevie could see the kit he wouldn't even be looking at it.

My friends are not in the least bit creepy. I feel like if Charlie or Kayla ever get brought in on child molestation charges this picture is totally gonna seal the deal on their extended jail time.


Gus is convinced that if I keep posting pictures from the shows some random fan is going to take a hit out on my life on the next tour. Stranger things have happened, but I still think he's overreacting.

current obsession: pancake puffs

Someone please go to www.pancakepuff.com and get me one of these things. Normal flat pancakes are so out. Pancake balls filled with various items are in. Get with the program.

Coffin Dwid

The other night I watched the Coffin Joe film This Night I Will Possess Your Corpse. I'm gonna have to admit the way I found out about these movies was by being the ultimate lurk and looking at Dwid from Integrity's ebay history (yes I do get that bored). I found these movies somewhere between Kirby's Dreamland and a human skull. Anyway Coffin Joe is a Brazilian horror character otherwise known as Zé do Caixão. Here's what Wiki has to say about him:

Zé do Caixão is an undertaker who is greatly feared by the locals. He is always seen wearing a black top hat, a black cape, and has extremely long fingernails. In A meia-noite levarei sua alma he is married to a humble woman and shown to have friends. He greatly dislikes morality and religion, which he describes as 'comfort for the weak'. One of his most enduring traits is his single-minded obsession with the 'Continuity of the Blood'; he wants to sire the perfect child from the perfect woman, and he is willing to kill anyone who crosses his path.Yet he has a kinder side: in the second film, 1967's This Night I Will Possess Your Corpse, he puts himself in harm's way to save a child about to be run over by a bike. He greatly values the life of children, mainly because he sees in them the 'continuity of the blood'

I'm gonna go ahead and say that Dwid possibly thinks he's Coffin Joe at this point. If you watch one of the movies and then go listen to 'Systems Overload' everything comes into perspective. Dwid didn't lose it and think he became the son of the devil, he lost it and thought he became a Brazilian undertaker hellbent on destroying morality. Either way as long as the next Integ record sounds like 'Humanity Is The Devil' he can have any crazy notion in his head he wants.

On a lighter note I won $80 in Vegas last night and am the only person to come out ahead on our bus.

100 miles to Vegas

Drive days... the dread of tour. Today is the 1,200 mile trek from San Antonio to Las Vegas. I'm not sure if our driver Larry is man, animal or machine, but dude has some legendary status to his driving. Somehow he's about to knock this out straight and still have the strength to bodyslam Ciccio afterwards.

So far the only stop has been for lunch and after today's trip to Iron Skillet all I can do is refer to XheadwalkX's "Deathtaste" (consider that link to the XheadwalkX site the site of the day). Amazing how an unrecorded song by a fake German edge band can be relevant to my daily life.

"Deathtaste"

you say I need to try it, no I wont
you say its dinner, fuck you, I don't
raw meat cooking is death on a grill
you do it to animals, to defend them, I kill

BK-my way-no way
McMurder-I no listen to what you say
we have revolution on firestorm day
my pipe bomb blows fast food away

to me Karl Earth Crisis is vegan edge martyr
he help teach world eating animals is retarded
meat is deathtaste and it I wont eat
if you try to force me, you I will beat

BK-my way-no way
McMurder-I no listen to what you say
we have revolution on firestorm day
my pipe bomb blows fast food away

So far I've spent this drive sleeping and ripping songs from Gus. Dude has some great tunes between all the Donna Summers and ABC songs. He turned me onto Red Lorry, Yellow Lorry and I suggest everyone else who has an unhealthy obsession with depressing rock music to check out their record 'Blow'.

I can honestly say I have no complaints about last night. My friend Carolyn drove out to the show and got there during the last song. So post-show parking lot hang was on. Behind the trailer is usually pretty safe, but having a couple girls that look like they're ready to hit the club hanging with you still attracts the lurk. Some random dude came up and let loose the failed pickup line of the night: "Damn girl, all lookin' like that how can you expect me not to try talkin' to you?"


Little known fact is the drummer of Stone Sour was in Nausea and Shelter. Him and Paul from Shadows Fall are both old core dudes and were trying to school me on the 80's punk scene and seeing GB and DYS at CB's until Gus came by and reminded them he's still older than both of them and saw even more real deal bands in England 5 years earlier. I suppose if Gaza (Stone Sour's TM) had come by he would have put them all to shame with some stories about when he toured with the Sex Pistols. I guess that only proves that somehow this tour is punker than any hardcore tour I ever did. Haters be damned, manrockers is punks.

When I woke up this morning I had a text from Canada's Whittron posing the question of who would win in a deathmatch between Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince and Carl Winslow from Family Matters. The world may never know. My money is on Carl because even if Phil is bigger and has all that practice of throwing Jazz out the front door, he's still from the street. Move over xTyrantx I think Carl Winslow might be the new "Street Nigga".

And on that possibly mildly racist note I'm out. There's a special on fat pets on TV and I'm hoping I see some good fat cats I can tell Phil about once Kylesa meets up with us on tour. Little known fact number 2: Phil from Kylesa has a secret obsession with fat cats and may or may not have told us he fantasised about rolling around in the ground in a "fat cat suit". Classic.

PS: Little known fact 3: I might look kinda like Buckwheat from the Little Rascals when girls try to kiss me. Proof?...



edit: We just got into Vegas just as we finished watching Lucky Number Slevin. Talk about timing. And the movie wasn't bad either. Just wanted to take a second and plug something. If you saw the shirt in my pics from yesterday, and are at all interested for some reason, check out HorseBites Design. Here is the shirt if you don't know what I'm talking about:


Dude is from Florida and does awesome graphic work. Support original artists. He is also in a great band called New Mexican Disaster Squad that you should also check out. If you want to order the shirt itself you can get it from ShirtKiller. They have a bunch of other sweet items for you to get into. That is all.

Viva fair style lemonade!

I just saw a Queensryche shirt and it reminded me that the other day a dude with a Queensryche tattoo told his kid to "be serious" when he bought a medium shirt. Talk about irony.


Today is a beautiful day in San Antonio. Normally that's an oxymoron, but me and GRBDN found fair style lemonade today and life is good.

AvM

Last night in Houston me and GRBDN went and saw the Astros beat the Marlins at what is the first major league baseball game I've ever been to. All I know is I felt like I should support Florida even though most of the dudes had huge ears and were sucking. We lost and I couldn't even get a hat. Lets talk about an all around losing night on every level.

Tonight was Dallas and I don't really have a whole lot to say about that other than the fact I downloaded a Patton Oswalt comedy special and the atheist otters episodes of South Park off iTunes.

PS: Sara here is your website of the day: The Chowdah Luv Chronicles

"I def threw that thing hard enough to kill a kangaroo that time."

This weekend has been sweet. Kayla, Shawn and Charlie came out in Orlando and brought me Garden Cafe. Always in. Seeing your friends makes tour a lot easier. Yesterday we had a day off in Houston and Lauryn and Courtney came and picked me up and hooked me up with more vegan food and a place to watch the I Love New York: Reunion. Tango being gone only means a season 2 for me. Praise Jesus. Lauryn made me watch some movie called Ken Park afterwards. I think she just wanted to watch kiddie porn with me. Sometimes I wonder about my friends.

Also I finally found a boomerang yesterday. I've been looking for one since December. Contrary to popular belief it is not easy to make a boomerang come back to you, but very easy to make it go into the "bayou" (or retention pond). Apparently all the Italians know how to throw it and are now arguing with Smitty about proper technique. Next time I get to a park I'm gonna figure this out.

Smitty just informed me there's a Boomerangs For Dummies book.

a preview of what's to come

This is a preview of what is possibly the most groundbreaking "old tyme portrait" in history. As soon as I can get to a scanner I'll unleash the real deal on mankind.

left to right: GRBDN, The Lizardman, the manager of the Myrtle Beach, SC Johnny Rockets location (super sweet dude), Weaver, me

Consider yourself warned.

Friday the 13th

How did I spend my Friday the 13th? Oh maybe at Barefoot Landing with this guy...


Yeahhhhhh... less black cats and ladders, more otters and weird statues. I didn't take pictures of any of the gators because I see enough of them in Florida.



Also I'm very glad I didn't get killed by Jason today.

On a side note can I talk about Gus' red shoes real quick. I feel like I'm on tour with the Wicked Witch of the West.


Great dude, poor choice in wardrobe coordination.

GRBDN: We Can't Be Stopped

This is gonna be the longest post in a while. If you took a pic and I made fun of you and you read this, I'm really sorry. It's all in good fun and now you have an internet legacy (kind of like Moshzilla). And you'll always know you're better than 99% of the Jager Girls that work these shows... and come on our bus.

OK let me kick this off. Tonight was Atlanta and the contest for the "Biggest GRBDN Fan". We had this sign up in the merch area to lure in some potential fans to get pics with.

If you don't know by now, this is GRBDN. Great dude, diet soda fan. Kids obviously have know idea who it is, but people sure acted like it. One girl even said she's seen the GRBDN shirts everywhere. People blow my mind.

The pictures came surprisingly easy. The girl on the right is the one who "saw the shirts around". Apparently she didn't pick one up to finish up covering the area her shirt missed.

This couple didn't know GRBDN, but were eager to show the world their dark love... and GRBDN love. There was some sort of rivet strip thing built into this girls shirt. I thought it was just a really goth tie at first.

Goth power lifting. Summer Olympics look out, we have a new champ. I want to see Magnus Ver Magnusson try something like this.

This girl was worried that her boobs were going to get touched. She had a lot of pins that talked about how little she liked people and how bad they smell. There was no hesitation in giving this human a hug though. It must be love.

I swear this girl looked like Susie from Curb Your Enthusiasm in person. I have to admit, I was kinda jealous.

Champ survived his day in the mud and these ladies could not be more enthused about it. Hail Satan, save horses.

For some reason this girl reminded me of Suzanne Somers' character in Step By Step. GRBDN thought she was a total MILF. I was just wondering what Frank Lambert would have to say about that.

Holy shit! It's one of the twins from Aiden and a young Samoth. Metal lives. Does anyone else get reminded of Ernest Scared Stupid when they see those two troll twins from Aiden in a magazine? No matter how much makeup you wear, you still used to keep miniature kids in a tree. Hopefully someone got that joke.

I have no clue where you buy outfits like this, but I need to get in on it. It's like a post-modern TRON or something. Her boyfriend and GRBDN totally approve. They were actually really nice. Girl if you're reading this: maybe we can go shopping together one day? Guy if you're reading this: even though I hate Superjoint Ritual I think we would have a great time playing Nintendo wii together. Hit me up.

The final dude in this lineup is the Mighty Fowler. This dude blew my mind tonight. I wish pictures could convey the smell of alcohol coming off this dude. He had a few amazing quotes. The best one being, "I think drum and bass is kind of like in Terminator after the robots have taken over. It's like, 'We can't be stopped, man. We're battery operated.'" Wow.

Fowler also doubles as some sort of pimp/ninja. Here is his brushing his shoulder off stealthily or something. I still don't get it. This dude should start working for Taco Ninja in Columbus. The deliver tacos dressed as ninjas. I highly recommend ordering from there if you get the chance.

And this picture basically sums him up for me. This dude loved telling us about raves and how his mom listens to Black Sabbath. He was way into "Luna Coil" and their myspace page. I def didn't ask this dude to take this many pictures. He just kept coming back and asking if he could take another picture. It's like he knew the joy he brought to my life. I want to go to a rave with him and T-1000 sometime.

He even signed the mailing list the best. Anarchy FLY... get fucking into it. Alabama represent! We miss you Fowler.

Now that I got that all out of the way, I have a couple more People You Don't Want To Be to cover.

DO NOT!!! I repeat DO NOT ever wear a cape to the show, no matter how well it matches your purple Superman shirt and leopard print pants. Holy fuck. Also did you really bring Pogeybait to the show with you?


These two dudes just went and got brand new Jager tattoos in time for the show. I think this is the exact opposite of getting an edge tattoo. It's also the exact opposite of cool.

I'm gonna return to my own personal living hell now. If you can imagine this times 60 shows you'll start to get the picture. It's awesome. At least Carolyn loves me.


No matter how much I complain, I love my life. Really. Now I just wonder how many GRBDN fans are outside of Atlanta. Only time will tell...