my life is obviously on the right track

4 new tattoos in 2 weeks...

It lives...

Post-tour record store pick ups:

• Akercocke - 'Rape Of The Bastard Nazarene'
  
• Carpathian Forest - 'Shiny Black Leather'
• Carpathian Forest - 'Strange Old Brew'
• Craft - 'Terror Propaganda: Second Black Metal Attack'
  
• Craft - 'Fuck The Universe'
• Crime In Stereo - 'Is Dead'
  
• Dan The Automater - 'Presents 2k7'
  
• Deathspell Omega - 'Fas - Ite, Maledicti, In Ignem Aeternum'
  
• Emperor - 's/t'/'Wrath Of The Tyrant'
• The Fall - 'Totally Wired - The Rough Trade Anthology'
  
• Funeral Mist - 'Devilry'
• Harvey Milk - 'My Love Is Higher Than Your Assessment Of What My Love Could Be'
  
• Hellchild - 'In Words, For Words'
• In Cold Blood - 'Hell On Earth'
• Khanate - 'Things Viral'
• Mum - 'Go, Go Smear The Poison Ivy'
  
• Nachtmystium - 'Eulogy IV'
• Nattefrost - 'Terrorist: Nekronaut Pt. I'
• Necrophobic - 'Darkside'
  
• The Ruts - 'Grin And Bear It'
• She Wants Revenge - 'This Is Forever'
• UNKLE - 'War Stories'
• Watain - 'Sworn To The Dark'
  

Yeah... I might have gone a little out of hand.

...Alaska Zoo.

"I've done a lot of fucked up shit in the name of Satan..."

Again... I'm not dead. Summer festivals, van tours, Mishima, heavy metal, Jewish girls, water bottle showers and Nintendo DS have killed all my free time and motivation. I'll update when I have time.

Listen to black metal and get dumb tattoos.

10 things I curently back...

In no order...

1. Wario: Master Of Disguise for the Nintendo DS
2. Puma slip-ons
3. The Dead & Departed
4. Gallows
5. Arizona Sweet Tea
6. mullets
7. The Black Dahlia Murder - 'Nocturnal'
8. chips and salsa
9. Hooligan Skate
10. Bad Religion

Warped re-cap

A quick photo update...

"Jesus Christ"

This little kid was real stoked on his new 'Butchered At Birth' board.

I wasn't really aware this was a problem in the past 50 years. I guess you learn something new everyday.

Yeeeeaaahhhhhhh...

Johnny slept on a pile of trash every night. And always looked this seductive.

MFC

For the record: Jess is not a self hating Jew.

...and I now have a mullet.

Tomorrow I'm off to Europe for a month. Peace out.

I'm not dead yet

Currently still alive despite popular belief otherwise. I've just been super busy and haven't had time to update this thing. Today I got lucky and a mighty storm canceled Warped Tour for the day, so I have some free time.

I will never understand why anyone does Warped Tour. I plan on getting a tattoo of a 13 with "never again" around it as soon as this tour is over. Highlights of the past few weeks have been spending 10 days with the Black Dahlia Murder guys while they mixed the new record, seeing Modern Life Is War twice in 2 weeks in 2 different states (one of those shows being at a gay bar with a catwalk) with , having vegan jalapeno poppers with fake ranch, Drew proposing to his girlfriend on stage during Bad Religion, seeing the Circle Jerks do a set of Black Flag songs, annoying Nam Pen for e a few days and getting an Aliens tattoo that says "God Save The Queen". The lowlights being... well pretty much everything else. I head off to Europe in a couple with BDM. Expect more hilarious updates then.

To answer some questions...

• Yes, the Gallows guys are legit dudes.
• Yes, I'm still vegan and edge.
• No, I did not have sex with Big Titty Janine.
• Yes, I did have a vegan shrimp po'boy sub the other day.
• Yes, I do hate Texas.
• Yes, Chowdah Luv had his baby.
• Yes, he described the baby as "fat as fuck" when he called me about it.
• No, I'm not having sex with tons of underage girls.
• No, I won't be home for a few month.
• Yes, I did cut the fuck out of my finger on a dry erase board somehow.

OK that should clear up all the recent questions I've gotten. I'm out. I'm gonna cut my fucking head off. Peace.

home, thanks, peace!

I'm home... and settled... somewhat. Tour was great... even for being 3 months long. Thanks Lacuna Coil: Andrea, Ciccio, Cristina, Marco, Maus & Pizza, Shadows Fall, Stone Sour, Within Temptation, The Gathering, Stolen Babies, Kylesa, DJ Fussy Gus Money, Luca, Mick, Yogurt, SDH, Larry and all the other bands crew, my fellow merchies: GRBDN, Chad "Child Toucher" Smith, Mick 2 & Crusty Chloe and Straight Steve for keeping the vegan straight edge alive on tour with me. Now I'm getting my life back in order before Black Dahlia Murder shows up on Monday to destroy it again for 10 days. I head out again on June 27th for my first Warped Tour and first tour for Bravado. Wish me luck. At least I'll have Albert Moshard to show me the ropes. Time to sleep for another 24 hours. Peace!

Black Dahlia Murder releases 'Nocturnal' album cover

Finally the real new cover for 'Nocturnal' has been released.

Thanks Neil!!!

Today was so sweet. Our friend Neil who works at Cafe FX took us to his work. They do the computer animation on a bunch of movie like Snakes On A Plane, Pan's Labyrinth, Spiderman 3, ect. For the first time I took many pics. He showed us some clips from a new movie they're working on and it was pretty sweet. I couldn't take pics of that though.

Cafe FX had their own cafe... with air hockey and foosball and an even sweeter game you'll see a little later.

Here's some posters for movies they've worked on. Sick... Flubber.

Here's some more. I greatly enjoyed two of these movies.

Ok the sweetest thing in the cafe. A Sin City bowling alley!

Mick was actually really good and showed me and Cristina up.

Pins prepare to be destroyed...

...or not. Gutter ball man.

This spaceship was in that movie Armageddon. Andrea asked if they had a special shrinking machine that made it so the actors that would fit in. He was possibly not joking.

I never saw Battlefield Earth, but Neil said this dude was in it. Cristina mistook him for her boyfriend Jim, Scientologists mistook him for god.

Monsters rule. This one was in Hellboy. Later I tried to fight him.

They had a bunch of awards, I was far more interested in what was below them.

Neil is now officially the coolest guy I know since he worked on Pan's Labyrinth. If you haven't seen it yet that shit is on DVD now.

Also this was from yesterday. Kim took me by the Klasky-Csupo building. You know the company that made Rugrats.

There was a sweet Ahhh Real Monsters mural on the side of their building.

I wish I went to sweet places like this more often. I also wish I had my own bowling alley.

"Naturals. My God, everyone of you, naturals... We're gonna fucking die."

We're down to our last 4 shows of tour and I think my brain is going to explode. The only thing keeping me sane at this point is having the Kylesa dudes around now. I think we've been out for 74 days now. Today we're off in San Luis Obispo and all I can think about is the movie Captain Ron.


I tried to find copies of Captain Ron and Angus on DVD yesterday at Amoeba in LA with no luck. What a bummer.

Sunday, May 27th, 2007

So the other night we got the ultimate hookup. Free tickets to see The Police's "fan club only dress rehearsal" kickoff show for their world tour (A.K.A. their first show in over 20 years!). It was in Vancouver so Nam Pen (who had never heard of Dio before!?!) came along. She was very unimpressed by the poor dancing going on in the crowd and the lesbians who kept singing to each other in front of us. The other 3,998 people were very unimpressed by her "leaning jacket". I thought she looked like a character in Knight Rider, so I approved.

Sweet video screen. You can almost make out the weird shirt Sting had on. Women's deep-v with some rhinestones. Andy Summers had multiple "Oh my god you killed Kenny!" guitar straps. At least Stu Stu was just wearing a rash guard. I figured these guys would have a stylist who suggested against things like that.

"You don't have to put on the red light." The light guy must have been loving how easy thinking up a scene for this song was.

And the proof that I've been doing my job for too long. On the way out of the show I saw the room they were storing all the merch and all I could think was how glad I was that I didn't have to count all that in. This was just a 3rd of it. Nam Pen was not impressed.

Overall great night. We watched 3 Extremes afterwards and didn't get to the last extreme because the first 2 were so dumb.

claw machine full of sex toys

So at our show in Fargo there was a claw machine full of sex toys. If you don't believe me here's the proof...




Yyyyeeeaaaahhhhh... teddy bears, porno and fake dicks. I asked one of the girls who worked at the club about it and she said they had to loosen the claw on it because people were winning to much. I can only imagine how weird it would be watching a bunch of people carrying around "Cumfy Cocks" at the show.

After the Fargo show we headed up into Winnipeg. In This Moment didn't make it through the border. I think I smell a van full of rats there. They said they couldn't make it across because their singers passport was messed up, but the night before they made sure to get merch from all the bands on tour, get back stuff they had loaned out and had the other bands sign posters for them. They said they did it because it was their only "post office day"? Seems kinda fishy that they would need to get all that stuff the day before they dropped off their last week of the tour. That's just my theory though. At least with them gone my hands are finally safe. Dudes always wanted to shake hands every time they see you. I don't get what's up with people like that. Not only is it weird but I'm sure it can't be sanitary. I feel like I need a family size container of Purell around people like that.

Anyway life goes on... and I saw the sweetest truck stop statue in history...


A skeleton dragon going through a rainbow. Classic. I wish I'd had $35 to blow on it. I should have at least bought one of the monkeys.

Not to much else has gone on lately. Me, Steve from The End Records and Marjolein from The Gathering went to see 28 Weeks Later the other night and Marjolein had to leave the movie and threw up because it was so intense. Brutal. We have a day off in Edmonton today and I might go see Jesus Camp at some indie theatre here. Peace!

Club Des Monstres

Site of the day : www.clubdesmonstres.com/bestiaire.html

20 years in the making

If you don't realize how amazing this shirt is you're really missing out in life right now. Thanks Whittron.

just a reminder...

Quebec City

Haven't had much free time lately but long story short: All the bands on this tour are nice guys/girls. Stolen Babies are real sweet dudes. In This Moment think I'm "grumpy". Within Temptation has a bunch of serious stalker type fans. Gus still has dumb shoes. I'm going to sleep.

attn: everyone who doesn't own this record

What's wrong with you? I mean you've only had 29 years to pick it up. Get with it.

last days of Jager

The last couple days have been a little nutty. The night before last was our last night of tour with Stone Sour. And then last night was our last night with Shadows Fall. Everyone we've been on tour with the past 6 weeks have been great dudes and it was sad to see them go. Obviously the hugest bummer was knowing I have another month of tour left without my bro GRBDN. Two tours down with him and still a solid dude. It was real weird realizing that I've known the Shads guys for 7 years now. It's nuts how fast time flies by.

After last nights show we went to a late show down the street and saw Nashville Pussy for the end of tour festivities. Nashville Pussy was great. I'm surprised those dudes/girls have that much energy still after being a band for all these years. Def the most balls out show I've seen in a while. Plus they gave Goody an excuse to scream louder than the PA. As we were leaving the club I saw Goody and a few of the Shads dudes walking in the completely wrong direction (obviously drunk and lost). A minute later they're coming back down the street and Goody is hugging some random guy in a wife beater with face tattoos. I can only begin to imagine what happened in the minute they disappeared.

Columbia, MO was real awesome overall for a last day though. It was cool how much was going on in a town seemingly in the middle of nowhere. I hit a couple record stores (found the Phil Spector - 'Back to Mono' box set cheap!). At this store Kevin's the owner was fairly eccentric, but rad. He hooked me up with some new Patti Smith and Lou Reed live stuff. Had some awesome vegan food at this place called Main Squeeze after that. If you ever are in the area get the vegan caramel apple cheesecake. It was seriously the best vegan dessert I've had in 5 years of veganism. I wish I had time to go back and get another piece. Hopefully I'll get a chance to get back there on tour sometime this year.

We have a day off in maximum Louisville today before we start the headlining tour tomorrow. Hopefully everyone on that is as cool as the last group. There's 3 weeks of it before Kylesa gets out and I have some more familiar faces to hang out with. So far of the other bands I've only met some Stolen Babies guys and they seem nice enough. Fingers crossed as always.

On the I Love New York 2 tip... it's been nuts. I can't believe how many votes I've gotten. Thanks for keeping me in the top 40 guys. I'm at number 34 right now and I figure after a few people above me get disqualified I should be pretty solid at least making it into round 2. Anyway keep voting every day, keep telling your friends. Thanks.

I Love New York 2

Hey guys in this I Love New York 2 contest I'm currently in the Top 100 (#90 to be exact). I only need to finish in the Top 60 to move on to Round 2. Thanks for all the votes so far. Remember you can vote every 24 hours and even if you voted for someone else you can still vote for me. You don't even have to sign up. Keep re-posting and telling your friends. Right now I just need 500 votes to to get caught up into the top 60. Big things coming tomorrow. Peace!

100th post!

For my 100th post I'd like everyone to vote for me to be on I Love New York: Season 2!

http://ilovenewyork2.com/people/theoffishkarim
http://ilovenewyork2.com/people/theoffishkarim
http://ilovenewyork2.com/people/theoffishkarim

I am not kidding. Post that flyer everywhere. Tell your friends, co-workers, family, local messageboard... anyone! Thanks for voting and thanks for reading 100 dumb things I had to say.

Quote Of The Day: Omaha, NE

From a guy handing me a foreign coin:

"It's Dutch. So it won't help you today at all, but if you're ever in Dutch..."

The best part is it was a Swedish krona.

featuring Almost Kiss

Today Lacuna Coil did an in-store acoustic set at a great record store in St. Louis called Vintage Vinyl. I highly suggest going there if you ever get the chance. I think I found all the stuff I've been looking for on this tour there. And they gave us a sweet massive crew discount.

• Biz Markie - 'I Need A Haircut'
• The Durutti Column - 'A Night In New York'
• Gene Chandler - '20 Greatest Hits'
• Grinderman - 's/t'
• I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness - 's/t' EP
• James Brown - 'Star Time' 4xCD
• Leonard Cohen - 'Live In Concert'
• Leonard Cohen - 'Songs Of Love And Hate'
• Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - 'The Abattoir Blues Tour 2004' 2xCD/2xDVD
• Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - "(Are You) The One I've Been Waiting For?" single
• Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - "Into My Arms" single
• Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds + Kylie Minogue - "Where The Wild Roses Grow" single
• Planes Mistaken For Stars - 'Mercy'
• The Stooges - 'The Weirdness'
• Sunn O))) & Boris - 'Altar'
• Thin Lizzy - 'Live And Dangerous'
• Tones On Tails 'Everything!' 2xCD

To top off the awesome haul me and GRBDN rode in a big white limo from the record store back to the club because it was raining! I got to roll down the window and go, "Hello? Poor People? Is that you?" Needless to say GRBDN was amused and some girl who was in the limo with us said I was "bad". I think she meant it in a "bad to the bone" way and not an "in bad taste" sort of way. Either that or she saw my partial cover-up on my "bad business" tattoo and realized it just says "BAD" on my arm now. Myles needs to hurry up and finnish covering that one up. Trashy to classy man.

Here's a blurry couple pics of me and GRBDN classing it up:

Monster in a campaign glass... pure player.

I am still extremely straight edge.

Today pretty much makes up for how fucked up Kansas City was yesterday. If you live in KC you are probably a waste of human life based on the people I had to deal with last night. It was literally the dumbest crowd of people I've had to deal with in 5 years of touring. Mind blowing. I thought a town that celebrated Space Ace's birthday as some sort of holiday would be cooler than that.

Example of the dumbness we dealt with yesterday: I was talking to a little kid at the show (literal little kid, like 8 years old) and he was telling me he wanted a shirt, but didn't have any money. I told him to get a job and stop leeching off society. Some dude overheard me and though I was being serious and got way aggro. He told me and GRBDN that he makes so much money he could "buy the merch stand". Seeing as he was wearing sunglasses in the club and had footprints on the back of his shirt I highly doubt it. All I have to say about that is, "Blow it our your ass, partner!"

Yeah. BIOYAP! Yet another reason KC scares me just a little bit. The main reason being this weird statue of a frog spitting on a baby's dick that I saw downtown...


At first I thought the kid was peeing on the frog, then soon realized it was the exact opposite. Mind boggling.

On the subject of mind boggling things, I guess I missed this when it came out. Has anyone seen the cover of the Beyonce - "Ring The Alarm" single?


I want to buy this thing just for how insane the cover is. I'm not sure if it was Jay-Z or Dreamgirls that made this girl lose what was left of her mind. I'm loving it.

As wild as that cover is, it's not as ignorant at the cover of this CD I bought earlier.


Like I said, sometimes covers are so dumb you have to buy the disc. A rapping 70's pimp zombie. I had to have it. Me and Lizard man were hoping he would rap in a scary voice on the record. We were both greatly let down. I read online and saw Prince Paul and Dan The Automator produced some tracks on it though so there's still a chance for it to redeem itself.

Now I have to get back to work. The dumbness continues.

PS: If you are in the band Conquest and reading this... please call your CD 'Wrath of Conquest'. Kirk sucks, Kahn rules.