interview: Beefcake The Mighty (Gwar)

Yo, it's Gwar! What more introduction do you need? These dudes are the hottest rock n' roll aliens since Space Ace took off the make up and revealed he was part of the lizard race. Bass player Beefcake The Mighty filled me in on the finer points of being a 299 ton hulking behemoth. I'm sure someone will be offended. (like Trust No One said, "you've been warned")


Whats up man? What's the deal, you're like a space creature who plays bass? I still can't wrap my head around this concept.

"Space creature"?!? I'm clearly a Hulking Space Barbaric Anomaly! Bass is merely one of the many conceptual things that I can wrap around YOUR head, turd!


I'm watching that movies Aliens right now and you guys don't strike me as the same species. Is there any relation between Gwar and the aliens I see in movies. (i.e. Predator, E.T., Cocoon)

No, none at all... those are all, what we call, low rent life forms... and then the fuckin' Predators go and rip off our Antarctican Stronghold for their gay ass AVP movie, pff! Actually, I dug that movie... but you'll see Aliens with outstretched mandibles, drooling on themselves, begging for slop throughout the Uni, it's pathetic...

cinema at its finest

It seems like out of everyone in the band you're the biggest hit with the ladies. Any thoughts on why the girls love Beefcake so much?

What can I say? Ladies LOVE Cool J! Have "Beef", WILL boogie... besides, more women than you might think actually enjoy being slapped, smacked and tossed around the boudoir!


Tour for you guys is obviously a whole different world than for any other band. You have to have had some crazy shit happen. Any memorable stories?

A stripper got on our bus after a show in Charleston, SC and rode all the way to Nashville, TN, basically dancing in the front lounge for hours... I didn't get blown that night, but some of my brethren did! Maybe even the driver, that fuckin' bus was all over the road! Last summer all the power went out on the bus... no showers after a North Carolina show, and no A.C. all the way to Orlando, we're talking fucking JULY, us, no showers, 12 hour drive... urgh, horrifying! I did get laid that day though... talk about a chick that's a trooper, eh?


Everyone knows Gwar is "Scumdogs of the Universe", but apparently now that band Evergreen Terrace is "Wolfbikers". Do you feel there will be any sort of rivalry between both your bands canine gangs?

"Wolfbikers"?!? Why, because they smell funny, and enjoy their Trek Mountain Bikes? I s'pose you can just dub yourself anything you want though... not one of those guys can even grow hair on their face... hmm, I must be missing something here... pff, rivalry?! Yeah, like the one a snowflake has with Miami!


You let me try on your suit last summer and that shit was great/disgusting. Any good stories about anyone else trying on the armor?

One time Dez (Devil Driver) wanted to don the helmet... as soon as he got it close to his face, he started smelling it, when he slid it over his head, "squish", fluids starting running down his face, he immediately starting choking, took off the helmet and began puking into a nearby garbage can... splendid!

it's like I was born to wear the suit

Out of all you guys, Spew Slave is the biggest mystery to me. Fill me in about this dude. (Spew Slave is the dude in charge of the all the live blood and guts)

Spewie is somewhat of an enigma... we found him licking the floors in a Mule Cannery just outside Toledo, Ohio. We beat him senseless (didn't take long), peeled off his face, threw him in the "Bat-Shaped" helicopter, and headed back to the Slave Pit, where he was informed of his new lifelong task. He enjoys Backgammon, downers and long mud baths made up of lard, Nestle Quik and semen.


People might not know that you're actually a big fan of a lot of the bands you guys tour with and collect a lot of memorabilia from them. Do you have any really crazy stuff in your collection? Black Dahlia Murder's cirrhosis-ed livers or anything like that?

I have the The Captain's head (Brian - Black Dahlia Murder) WITH the goofy little hat... I've got the top row of Inferno's (Behemoth) teeth... hemorrhoids in a jar of formaldehyde from John Campbell (Lamb Of God)... very soon I will be skinning Mark Hunter (Chimaira) and making lamp shades with his cool Paul Booth tattoos...

Brian with head and hat

Thanks a lot for doing the interview man. Any last words?

Stay in drugs, drink your school, clean your milk... you can get work!


For more info on Gwar's global domination plan check out www.gwar.net. Or just go out and pick up their new CD 'Beyond Hell' and new DVD 'Bloodbath And Beyond' at your local record store. I'm gonna go back to watching The Muppets Take Manhattan. Peace!